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You only have the power to save yourself
A lot of people have this warped idea that someone will miraculously show up in their life and save them, or a particular life change will make them feel complete and content about themselves such as earning more money, or a new job title. Everything, and I mean everything in life starts from you. Being honest with yourself, and taking full responsibility of your circumstances and how you feel is the starting point for self-love. When you expect things outside of yourself to make you feel content, it's a recipe for disaster. The only person that can change how you feel about yourself is you.
Looking outwards for love and validation also puts a lot of pressure on those around you, which in turn is counterproductive. In life, you cannot control external factors so putting that kind of pressure on something outside yourself to make you feel good is a dangerous cycle. With that pressure of expecting something else to make you feel content, you develop negative feelings of fear, control and insecurity because you need that thing to make you feel good again. When you have mastered the ability to make yourself content, you live life freely, you live in acceptance and no matter the situation – you validate yourself!
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Happiness is one of the key components of self-love. And although you can't live in a permanent state of happy-go-lucky bliss, you can get rid of the things that do not make you feel good in life. Going to a job you hate, talking to someone you can't stand, wearing a dress you don't feel good in, showing up to an event you don't want to be at (and the list goes on) – stop doing it! Engage only in things that make you feel good.
As a society, we continuously feel bad for saying no with the fear of not being accepted or liked. But what about you? You are the most important. And yes, continue to do things out of love that you may not 100% like doing but if for any moment you feel as though that thing is depleting you – really have a think about if it's making your soul happy.
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A lot of people scream out "No more time for negative people in my life", which is a good way to live – but what are you telling yourself each day? Negative self talk is the number one killer, besides what anyone has to say about you. Telling yourself you can't do something, or believing that you're not worthy of great things will kill you faster than a negative remark from someone else.
Reciting positive affirmations about yourself is key. So write down some great things about yourself, and speak to yourself everyday. The more you say great things about yourself, the more you'll believe them. When you're so certain about yourself, and you're feeding your mind positive self talk daily – anything negative someone else may have to say about you won't even touch you. When your thoughts about yourself are gold, you won't even bat an eyelid when someone decides to hurl their copper at you.
Treat yourself
Life is busy, especially as we grow up and have to take on more and more adult responsibilities – but please, continue to treat yourself. Even though I'm moving at 100mph 90% of the time, I still make time for a monthly manicure and pedicure at minimum. Why? Because it makes me feel good! If you want to treat yourself to that dessert – eat it! That beautiful bouquet you saw at the florist – buy them for yourself. Don't wait for others to do nice things for you, do it for yourself! Part of self-love is handling yourself with care and being able to make YOU feel amazing.
When you're being kind to yourself and drenching yourself in love daily, anyone or anything that doesn't match that or makes you feel less than doesn't deserve a space in your world. Self-love is a journey not a destination, and putting yourself first isn't selfish it's a necessity.
Words By: Malika Isles
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